


TMI Tag w/ Chris Pike

by orphan_account



Series: CaptainEnterprise (Star Trek Youtube AU) [8]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Multi, Silly, Spock is human, TMI tag, YouTube, bit Crackish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-23
Updated: 2017-05-23
Packaged: 2018-11-04 02:34:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10981548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Jim is a famous YouTuber and he's doing the TMI tag with his godfather Chris Pike.





	TMI Tag w/ Chris Pike

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Star trek.

Jim was seated on his yellow filming sofa with an older man next to him. “Attention Crew, this is your Captain speaking, prepare to Boldly Go” he said.

Replacing Jim’s usual introduction of a six-clip montage and his remix of Empire of Angels, was the clip of Chris Pike getting hit in the head with a beach ball to the beat of Hollaback Girl. The end of the clip was finally shown as Chris is knocked into the pool.

“Hey Guys!” Jim said once his introduction was over, “I know, I know, I changed the intro. Don’t worry it’ll be back next video but I couldn’t resist doing that. You see today I have a special guest, I don’t know if you’ve noticed the smexy son of a gun next to me but my godfather’s going to be in this video.”

“I’m pretty sure the last video of yours I was in was the beach ball incident,” Chris interjected.

“You flipped like a coin into that pool,” Jim said with a laugh.

“It should be criminal to put that much air in a beach ball,” Chris said.

“I’ll tell Bones,” Jim replied. “Anyway, I was tagged by my boyfriend Spock aka Logically Illogical, of all people, to do the TMI tag. Now, you guys know me, I’m never one to turn down a challenge and if you saw Spock’s video you’ll know right when he answered the turn on question, his mother started hovering in the door way listening to him. Her and Sarek made it home safely by the way, they’ve settled back in Vulcan. Amanda says she misses the beaches here. Anyway, in the group chat we have going with our friends, Nyota dared me to do the tag with me in the room. Mom said no but that’s fine because my godfather said he’d answer the questions with me. Warning: this video contains extreme second hand embarrassment and horrifying hilarity.”

“What the hell are you about to do to me kid?” Chris asked staring at Jim hesitantly. “Just remember by boss watches you channel.”

“Barnett watches my channel?” Jim asked with a smirk. “Nice. Anyway the first question is: What are you wearing?”

Chris furrowed his brow. “What type of question is that? This is a video! They can see what I’m wearing,” Chris said.

“It just in general,” Jim replied, “So people don’t do it in general format, also you can answer with brand.”

Chris gave Jim a blank look and Jim shook his head. “Just answer the question Chris.”

“Alright I’m wearing a button-down shirt. It’s blue, my wife bought it for me. I’m wearing Jeans, Carhartts specifically. Red socks, no shoes. Um…Boxers?” Chris replied with a questioning look.

“Oh my god, this is great already! I’m wearing an academy t-shirt that I stole from my boyfriend, Bones. Jeans from Rue 21. No socks or shoes but my briefs are green.” Jim paused to pull on Chris’ waist band. “Chris’ are red. Do you match your socks and underwear?” Jim asked as he turned to Chris.

Chris blushed and Jim’s jaw dropped. “Oh my god, you do!” Jim said with a snort. “Wow, okay, next question: ever been in love? Well that’s kind of obvious! Chris is married and I love my boyfriends. So, ever had a terrible breakup?”

Chris raised his brow. “Did I ever tell you about the time Phil and I dated in college?” Chris asked.

Jim’s eyes went wide. “No you did not,” Jim replied. “Spill the details old man.”

“Oh yeah, it was the worst decision I have ever made regarding relationships. We were fuck buddies who tried to make it into a relationship for whatever reason. It was nice at first but we are both the loner personality. We never did anything or went anywhere. We were often fighting and I hated when he tried to do his bartender therapy on me. The things I loved about him as a friend became the things I hated about him as a boyfriend. We eventually broke up amicably but we nearly ruined our friendship. It wasn’t so much a bad break up as it was heart breaking one. I really did, and still do, love Phil with all my heart but it just wasn’t working.” Chris trailed off quietly.

“Have you ever thought of trying again?” Jim asked.

“A lot but I’m married now, and I love my wife fiercely,” Chris answered.

Jim paused for a second as if contemplating whether or not he actually wanted to say what he was about to say. “Well does Number One like Phil?” Jim finally asked.

Chris rolled his eyes. “Not everyone is made for a poly relationship, Jim” Chris said.

“It’s the solution to love triangles everywhere!” Jim insisted. 

Chris pushed Jim over and Jim huffed but moved on when he noticed the contemplative look on Chris’ face.

“My worst break up was with Carol in High School. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, never date someone who acts like you. Right next question, how tall are you? I’m 6 foot even.” Jim said.

“I’m 5’11 and let me tell you nothing sucks worse than having a child who looks up to you grow taller than you,” Chris said with a pout as Jim tried to put his elbow on Chris’ head.

Jim smirked. “Okay, short stuff how much do you weigh?” Jim asked ignoring the raise eyebrow Chris sent his way.

“170ish,” Chris answered

“Huh, we’re right up there together I’m 175ish. I bet it’s that extra inch,” Jim said while ducking Chris’ attempts to swat him on the head. “Any tattoos?”

“I have one,” Chris said rubbing his hand over his shoulder, “It’s based off something my dad said to me before he died. “There are two paths to being a hero. Hero’s to the world die martyrs and a martyr to the world is only grief to his family. A nobody to the world, however, can be the greatest hero to ever live in his family’s eyes.” So, I have ‘I chose to be my family’s HERO because I refuse to be their GREIF’ on my shoulder.” 

“I love that tattoo,” Jim said with a smile. “I have several myself, there is one that Bones calls the most convoluted tramp stamp to exist. It’s right in the area where one would find a tramp stamp and it’s the solar system but the planets are their names written in Gallifreyan. I replace sun with Sol and Earth with Terra but other than that it’s what you’d expect. I kind of regret it because I’m not that into Doctor Who any more but I also don’t regret it because even if I’m no longer a fan Gallifreyan is a beautiful language.”

“You are such a nerd,” Chris said shaking his head.

Jim scoffed. “Whatever. I also have what I call my crown and crossbones. It’s crossbones but where the skull would be, is a princess crown. It’s the tattoo I got to represent my relationship with Bones. I got it because I call him Bones and he calls me Princess. The tattoo I have to represent my relationship with Spock is the word T’hy’la in Ancient Vulcan,” Jim said showing the two tattoos on his wrists. “My last tattoo is stylized initials for my father.” Jim pulled his leg up on the sofa to show the tattoo in his ankle.

“I paid for that tattoo,” Chris commented. “It was the first one you got.”

Jim smiled. “If mom doesn’t approve, ask your godfather,” Jim laughed before looking back at his phone for the next question, “Any Piercings? Not me.”

“I used to have my ears pierced when I was younger. Technically I still have them pierced but I don’t bother with them anymore,” Chris said playing with his ear.

“Right, OTP? Jorian from Almost Human.”

Chris rolled his eyes. “I’m not big on this fandom stuff but Jim’s convinced me that Captain America is bisexual so whatever fan theory parings go with that mess. It’s Peggy, her niece or whatever, and Stark’s the other. There’s a fourth one but I can’t remember who.”

“Bucky,” Chris shot Jim a blank look, “The winter solider?” Chris opened his mouth with a silent “oh” while Jim shook his head.

“Anyway, Favorite show?” Jim asked. “Mine, as of right now, is actually Hannibal.”

“Can’t really judge you for that One’s got me watching American Horror Story,” Chris said.

“Favorite bands? I’ll just give one because Chris and I have a lot in common when it comes to music. Mine’s the Bestie Boys, but you guys knew that,” Jim said giving a dimpled smile at the camera.

“Led Zeppelin. They can do some crazy shit for how few members they have.” Chris shifted in his seat. “My butts going numb.”

Jim snorted. “Thanks for sharing.” Jim shook his head before asking, “Something you miss?”

“I miss the ice cream truck that stopped coming through our neighborhood. The worst part is that I know One is responsible for the change.” Chris released a big sigh before falling dramatically onto Jim’s lap.

Jim laughed and ruffled his godfather’s hair. “I miss having time for trips and vacations. Spock, Bones and I would go places all the time but now we spend more time at home. I guess it’s a product of settling.”

“Yeah you won’t get that feeling back till you retire,” Chris replied sitting back up in his seat.

“That sounds like a horror story. Let’s stop talking about bad things. What’s your favorite song?” Jim asked.

“Zeppelin, No Quarter,” Chris answered.

“I don’t think anyone will be surprised to know mines still Sabotage.”

Chris rolled his eyes a Jim’s antics. “How old are you?” Jim asked.

Chris made a disgruntled noise in the back of his throat. “I’m going to be turning 50 next year.”

Jim laughed at Chris’ face. “I’m 27 and my Zodiac is Capricorn. What’s yours?” Jim asked turning to Chris.

“Also, a Capricorn,” Chris answered.

“Quality you look for in a partner?”

Chris blew out air. “This question is going to get me in trouble somehow. I like my partners to be challenging both physically and mentally. I like being able to debate my wife and the way we run each other up the wall. I like being taken care of by and being able to take care of my partner.”

“I want a partner who will take care of me. Bones and Spock tend to pamper me. It’s great,” Jim said with a smirk.

“So you’re a spoiled brat? No surprises there,” Chris said ignoring when Jim sticks his tongue out.

“I don’t need to take your crap,” Jim replied. “Anyway, Favorite Quote? Mine is, “Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.” Lincoln.”

“I said it earlier, no quote has ever made the same impact as my father’s words,” Chris said.

“Favorite actor?”

Chris snorted. “Yours is Karl Urban. I hear you and your boyfriend, Leonard, bitch about it enough to know that. Mine is Lucy Lawless.”

Jim grunted. “Bones and I are going to be fighting over him on our death beds, just you watch. It drives Spock mad. Favorite color? Mine’s Yellow.”

“Orange.”

“Loud music or soft? Many of people have yelled at both of us to turn the music down countless times so I’m going to say loud for both.” Jim smiled at Chris before frowning at the next question. “Where do you go when you’re sad? I go to my bed and curl up in one of Bones’ shirts and a pair of Spock’s sleep pants.”

“Depends on why I’m sad,” Chris said with a grimace.

Jim furrowed his brow. “What do you mean?”

“Well if I get into a fight with One I’ll head over to Phil’s house. If it’s work, I’ll go to a bar. If it’s a fight with Phil or others like yourself I’ll go for a walk in whichever direction I happen to go. I’ve ended up in some strange places doing that.” Chris scratched the back of his neck sheepishly.

“Yeah, no, you probably shouldn’t do that. That sounds dangerous,” Jim said with a concerned look on his face.

Chris coughed. “What’s the next question?”

“Oh, uh, how long does it take you to shower?”

“An hour. I have a stressful job and I deserve at least an hour. One can keep her planet conserving opinions to herself,” Chris said with more confidence than he looked to have.

“You know she’s going to see this right?”

“I’m counting on it,” Chris said with a smirk.

“Oh god, no, no, no, no, no, Why?!” Jim’s voice came out horrified as he shook his head as if sheading water. “God, moving on, I usually shower for 45 minutes to an hour. How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?”

“15-20 minutes without counting breakfast.”

“Well my answer depends on how much I feel like dressing up that day but anywhere between 20 minutes to an hour, hour and a half. Breakfast adds an extra 30 minutes.”

“Diva,” Chris coughed into his hand.

Jim rolled his eyes before shoving Chris. “Ever been in a physical fight? Yes, a lot.”

“I’m an officer but outside of my job the only fight I’ve been in was a fight with a man named Kormac. I hate that bastard.” Chris’ face took on a sour expression at the mention of Kormac’s name.

“Don’t you two work together?”

Chris raises his brow, “So?”

Jim shook his head. “Never mind then,” Jim said looking at the questions. Oh great these next two questions are going to kill us. Turn on?”

Chris raised his brows again when Jim looked at him to go first but he eventually caved. “Alright I’ll go first. There’s really only two big ones, Power play and lingerie.”

Jim shuddered and Chris cuffed his head. “Oh, shut up,” Chris said.

Jim laughed. “Right, um, well we share a turn on, power play, we also share lingerie though probably not in the same way.” Chris choked on his spit and Jim started to blush. “Uh, I have a fair appreciation for body hair. Let’s just bite the bullet, Turn off?”

“Excessive body hair,” Chris answered, “That’s about it. I’m a simple man to please.”

“Smoking,” Jim said. “I had a major problem with it when I was younger and I could never go back to that. Anyone who smokes isn’t compatible with me.”

“You can’t answer this question,” Jim said, “The reason I joined YouTube? I joined YouTube as a therapy tactic set up by my therapist and I got really good feedback from a few people here and there so I just kept doing it. Fears?”

“I used to be afraid of the dark but now I’m only ever afraid for my family,” Chris said.

“I am afraid of failing. Last thing that made you cry? A huge fight between Spock, Bones and I. My heart hurt for like three days before we made up . Like it physically hurt and I don’t think we would have made up as quickly as we did if I hadn’t brought the issue to Bones.”

Chris’ eyes widened with concern. “When did this happen? Are you okay?”

Jim smiled. “I’m fine and it was about three months before my second coming out video.”

Chris stared at Jim warily for a few second but chose to move on when all he was given was a blank face. “The last time I cried was at your graduation.”

Jim laughed. “Last time you said you loved someone?” Jim turns to Chris with a serious expression. “I love you.”

Chris laughed before pulling Jim into a hug. “I love you, son.”

Jim smiled brightly at that. “We are losers. Anyway, this is a question only I can answer: Meaning behind your YouTube Name? So, I know I’m going to sound like a spoiled rich kid but my family has a boat called the Enterprise and grandad would never let me drive it. He said and I quote “Captain’s don’t drive their ships, they run them.” My 17-year-old self-thought it was a good idea for a YouTube name. Last book you read? I have just finished a book on WWI that my brother gave me. I can’t remember the title off the top of my head.”

“Art of War. I stole it off your shelf when I was here last.”

“I’ve been looking for that!” Jim shouted. Chris merely shrugged.

Jim rolled his eyes but moved on. “The book you’re currently reading? I decided to read the Thousand and One Nights in full. I read parts of it in college but I thought I’d go ahead and read the whole thing.”

“Phil loaned me The Lord of the Rings trilogy. Though I’d read them since you and One and Barnett and Sam and Phil and Archer and Bones and Joanna and Spock and Sarek and Amanda and freaking Winona have read it.”

Jim laughed. “Wow, I’m proud of you. Last show you watched? Spock made Bones and I binge watched Legend of Korra. Spock was horrified that I stopped watching after Avatar ended. He was even more horrified to discover that Bones had never seen either series.”

Chris smiled at the mention of Spock’s antics. “I’m not sure what I was watching but it was on the History channel.”

“Last person you talked to?” Jim asked with a laugh. “Hi, Chris.”

“Hey, Jimmy.” Chris said with a smirk.

“The relationship between you and the person you last texted? Um,” Jim pulled out his phone and checked, “Scotty is one of my best friends. He’s kind of like a second older brother.”

Chris pulls out his own phone. “Oh, that’s anti-climactic, Barnett’s my boss, or slave driver, both descriptions work.”

Jim laughed. “Favorite food? APPLES!”

Chris leaned away from Jim while rubbing his ear. “Good god kid, you damn near busted my ear drum. I like steak.”

Jim smirked at Chris before asking, “Place you want to visit? NEW ZEALAND!”

Chris picked up one of the pillows on Jim’s sofa and hit him over the head with it. “Honestly, child. I want to take a trip down to Peru. One and I were thinking about going for a second honeymoon.”

“Eww. Moving on, last place you were?” Jim asked. “Um, I haven’t left the house in days actually. The last place I was at was the Airport to drop Spock’s, parents off.”

“I was at my own house but other than that I was at Walmart.”

“Do you have a crush? Um, I think both my dad and I are past this stage. Last time you kissed someone? Bones, this morning. To be fair I also kissed Spock but Bones was the last one to leave the house.”

“One, this morning.” Chris raised his eyebrow at Jim when Jim jokingly asked, “is that a time or a person?”

Jim pouted at Chris’ look. “No one appreciates my humor. Last time you were insulted?” Jim laughed “Chris insulted me this morning. It was the first thing out of his mouth when he got here. ‘Jim, you look like you lost a round with a bear.’ It’s not my fault! Bones had been sick the past few days and he snores when his nose gets stuffed up.”

Chris laughed. “Barnett was the last person to insult me. ‘Pike, did you write this or did you pay a toddler to write it for you?’”

Jim snorted. “Favorite flavor of sweet?” Jim’s brow furrowed. “What the hell does that even mean?”

Chris shrugged. “Sucker or jolly rancher flavor?”

“I guess. Mine’s Cherry.”

“Orange.”

“My mom says you’ll turn into an orange one day.”

“I could be addicted to something dangerous,” Chris said with a shrugged.

“What instruments do you play? I play the guitar and violin. Chris also plays the guitar.” Chris bowed his head in agreement.

“Favorite piece of jewelry? Mine is a necklace Bones and Spock gave me. Apparently the stone is an important Jewel in Vulcan. Bones actually made casing for the stone out of his old high school graduation ring.” Jim said pulling out a necklace with a blue stone set into a silver backing.

Chris simply held up his hand. “Wedding band,”

“Aw, you’re so cute,” Jim cooed. “Last sport you played? Well unless Chris did something between now and Tuesday we both played a game of soccer.” Chris nodded.

“Last song you sang? Fearless Taylor Swift…don’t ask.” Jim said at Chris perturbed look.

“Cherry Pie,” Chris replied.

Jim gave Chris his own perturbed look. “I don’t want to know. Favorite chat up line? This is bad but in high school all I ever had to say was ‘Hey do you wanna…’. The line I used on Bones was ‘I wouldn’t mind sex with a skeleton’ after his bones rant. The one I used on Spock was ‘Do you want some more in-depth cultural lessons?’ How I managed to land either of these men is beyond me.”

Chris shook his head. “You were a pity date that spiraled out of their control weren’t you?”

“Probably,” Jim said with a good natured smile, “I just know I got the better end of both deals.”

Chris rolled his eyes. “Mine was ‘Do I know you? Cause you look just like my next girlfriend?’ I…”

“Wait! Next question: Have you ever used it? Obviously, I accidentally already answered this but Chris has a story to tell you guys.”

Chris grinned. “I used it on my future wife and she laughed in my face and left the bar. We had a class together the next semester and really go to know one another. About a year later One just casually says to me “You know Chris sometime I swear you look just like my next boyfriend.” We started dating after that and when I went to propose to her, in privet mind you, One hates public proposals, thinks they’re peer pressure, anyway I said “You look just like my fiancé.” The rest, as they say, is history.”

“I love that story. Anyway, second to last question: Last time you hung out with anyone? Well we are hanging out right now so…now. Finally, who should answer these questions next?” Jim turns to Chris. “Well Chris, which of my friends do you want to call out. Keep in mind Spock and Hikaru have already done this.”

Chris narrowed his eyes. “Chekov, Pavel Andreievich. Yeah, let that smug little bastard do it. Cute and innocent my ass, he’s a Fucking deviant.”

Jim laughed. “Okay guys this has been the TMI tag with special guest star: Christopher Pike. As always, those with YouTube channels of their own who’ve been named dropped are linked in the description box. Pavel, you best get on making that video and for the rest of you I’ll see you guys next week. This is your Captain, signing off.”

**Author's Note:**

> I have major writers block but I think this may have helped me through it. Maybe...


End file.
